Resolution of the Heart
by Sojourner84
Summary: post: Let me hear your Balalaikas ringing out. Rory is still torn after her altercation with Jess. And then the dream starts. What will this dream mean for her future? A joint fic by Nichole Thompson and Claire Kennedy
1. The Dangers of Following One's Feet

Resolution of the Heart

Authors: Nichole Thompson and Claire Kennedy

Disclaimer: We do not own Gilmore Girls.

Summary: We were writing this during the first half of season six. This is an attempt to bring back some dignity to the former boyfriends of Rory and bring some resolution about. Not a Dean/Rory or a literati.

Chapter 1 - The Dangers of Following One's Feet- By Claire Kennedy

Rory tucked a loose strand of auburn hair behind her ear and replaced her bookmark in the open pages of Gogol. The light zephyr of the late afternoon cooled her sun kissed cheeks and she smiled at the joy that the simplicity of that moment brought her. She stretched her limbs that had become stiff from the position she had been sitting in for the past hour and leaned back against the oak. It fit the curvature of her back and it felt amazingly comfortable to her. Her inability to get a decent night's rest had been taking its toll on her body and her mind.

She had to get away for the weekend. She didn't know why it had mattered so badly to her. It had just hit her heart with a strong, unrelenting pulse, suddenly and without warning. She had been sitting with her coffee at the table in Logan's kitchen, mulling over the morning paper. She had paused for a second to look around her surroundings. Her eyes moved over the elegant furnishings, the stoic artwork, and the pristine marble counter tops, and came at last to fall on the man sitting beside her drinking off a hangover with a high octane concoction.

_This isn't you!_

She recoiled as Jess' words resonated through her memory. It startled her. The recollection. She had been grateful for those words at the time they had been spoken. The words had been the voice of reason. The words had reawakened the Rory that had died. Now they hurt and she felt guilty for thinking them while sitting next to the man she loved.

"You going to eat that bagel?" Logan asked. His tone was filled with more of a plea for her half eaten bagel than an inquiry into it.

"N..no," she answered, breaking away from her thoughts. "Want it."

"You don't mind?" He asked, "I know it is definitely a lost cause at this point, but I need to sop up anything still remaining in my system."

"By all means," Rory slid the plate over to him. "Rough night?"

Logan laughed and shook his head, like he was trying to remove any part of his evening by doing so. "Well, my father has that kind of affect on me. I still can't believe he interrupted our getaway like he did. The man sure likes to make my life a living hell."

Rory smiled weakly. She felt bad for him. But was escaping through the bottle the real solution?

"Are we ever going to talk about it?" Rory asked suddenly. She was drawing circles on the table now, avoiding his glance. "Europe. You leaving."

"Ace! Give me a break!" He objected to her bringing up the topic. "Please just let it rest. Not now. I promise you that we will discuss it. Just not now. Please…"

_This isn't you!_

"I'm sorry," Rory said genuinely. She wondered if she had winced at the thought of Jess' words. She wondered if that was why she was apologizing. She leaned over the table and kissed him. It felt empty at that moment. "Just get some rest. I'll see you tonight?"

"Yeah," he said smiling. "I promise, Ace, we **_will_** talk."

Rory smiled and nodded. She headed for their bedroom to grab a book.

"I love you!" Logan called after her.

Rory paused in the bedroom doorway. "I know."

She waited for the sound of the door closing. She waited for his footfalls to die away. She waited for the feeling inside of her to go away. The urgency to find the answer to a question she did not know…but it never did.

She suddenly found herself stuffing a suitcase. She suddenly found herself standing in front of her car. She suddenly found her hands unlocking the door. And it wasn't until she saw the sign for Stars Hallow, that she suddenly realized she had followed her feet home.


	2. Sleep Deprivation

Disclaimer: We do not own Gilmore Girls

Chapter 2- Sleep Deprivation –By Nichole Thompson

Rory tossed and turned in bed for quite a while before reluctantly sitting up. She hadn't been sleeping well lately. She couldn't remember a time when she could ever not sleep… but now? It had now been weeks since she'd been able to get a full nights sleep. She looked at the clock.

5:33. And it was a Saturday...

_Great_, she thought. _I guess this is as good a time as any to start on that project_.

She stumbled to her desk, sat down and turned on the lamp. "Coffee first," she groaned. "Can't think without coffee."

Lorelai awoke to the aroma of fresh brewed coffee. "Rory!" she yelled.

"Yeah?" Rory asked, already half way up the stairs, two cups of coffee in tow.

"Still can't sleep?" Lorelai asked, groggily sitting up.

"No," Rory sighed, sitting down on her mothers bed. "I can't stop thinking about how I ruined things. I hate people not liking me, and I guess I just can't move on from this."

"Rory, it's six thirty. How long have you been up?"

"Up out of bed, or up awake?"

"Both..."

"Awake since about 5, and out of bed since 5:30..."

"Aww, Ror. You can't keep this up. You're exhausted all the time."

"I know, and I don't function well on exhausted..."

"I know you don't. Well, hun, have you thought about…"

"No." Rory responded, cutting off her mother.

"But…"

"No, mom. I told you, I can't."


	3. The Dream

Chapter 3- The Dream –By Nichole Thompson 

It had been hours since her brief conversation with her mother. Rory still couldn't shake the feeling inside her- empty, hollow, awkward. She felt like she was looking through life with blurred glasses and nothing was really in focus anymore. What her mother had suggested… it wasn't a possibility. She was beginning to regret telling her mother about the dream, even though it was nice to share it with someone. She couldn't tell Logan; he'd definitely read way too much into it. And Lane was still scarce- spending most of her time on the road with the rest of Hep Alien.

Thankfully Lorelai hadn't said a word about the dream since that morning, the dream or the rest of that forbidden conversation. But even as forbidden as it may have been, sometimes Rory felt it may be the only way to get the dreams to stop. She had to confront her demons, instead of hiding from them with her incessant insomnia. Not sleeping was definitely beginning to take it's toll on her.

After lounging around for a while, waiting for Lorelai to roll out of bed and get ready for their big day, Rory sprawled out across the couch and opened a book she'd brought home with her. Since that 6:30 a.m. coffee call, they had since been to Luke's for breakfast, and had driven to Hartford for some mother/daughter shopping. Lorelai and Rory always enjoyed bonding over shopping, unfortunately their trips were becoming fewer and further between, now that Rory was spending more of her time in New Haven with Logan, and Lorelai and Luke were still planning their wedding. It was now mid-afternoon and Rory set out for the town square, with a book in hand.

Today, however, Rory would not be reading the book she toted with her. Today her book of choice was her journal, something she hadn't written in since her months living in the pool house. Today she decided that to truly get a hold of her feelings, and figure out why she was having this terrible dream, she would document it, and once and for all (hopefully) get closure on what had been giving her dissonance about her feelings for Logan.

She could not understand why, after all the time that had passed since Jess had been to Hartford, she was still feeling this way. Perhaps it had been because Jess had visited her. Visited may not be the right word; more like exprobated her new life, her life with Logan. Maybe that was what was really bothering her, the fact that Jess hadn't approved of Logan; of who she was with Logan. She couldn't think about that yet. First she had to start back at the beginning, the source of all of these questions, her dream.

It never mattered where she was sleeping: her bed in her apartment with Logan, her bed at home, the couch in either residence; it never mattered what she had eaten earlier, how much she had to drink, what she had read or watched or done right before sleeping. This dream was beginning to haunt her existence. Every night it was the same dream. At first she shrugged it off, but after three weeks of the same dream every night, Rory was seriously considering going to a dream analyst.

She sat on a bench in the gazebo, closed her eyes and took a deep breath, attempting to recall the beginning of her haunting reverie. She breathed slowly, allowing the visions to flood her mind and take over her train of thought…

She was standing in her mother's bedroom, overlooking her backyard. She was wearing a beautiful, strapless, floor length white gown and Lane was frantically working on Rory's make-up. The pair squealed with delight every once in a while, realizing that this was a day neither of them ever thought would come.Lorelai entered, tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm losing my baby forever," she'd said each time the dream played through her mind. She and Rory hugged for what seemed like ages. Both were crying by the time they released each other and smiled, knowing that their relationship would be forever altered after that day. Rory turned back to the mirror, to make sure her make-up was still intact and not smudged from her tears.

Luke came up a few seconds later, knocking on the door to ensure that everyone was decent. He looked uncomfortable and not quite sure how to act. The little girl he had watched grow up over the years was being handed off to another man, off to start a life of her own. He couldn't help but feel a small pang of sadness. She was, after all, the closest she'd come to him having a daughter. Luke handed Rory a small jewlery box. She opened it to reveal a beautiful necklace.

"It was my mother's," he told her. "I know there's some old saying about needing something old. I figured, you know… if you didn't have anything else."

"Luke, it's beautiful," she recalled telling him every time. "I love it, thank you." She hugged him before he put it around her neck. He smiled softly before leaving the girls alone, to finish their primping.

Christopher entered after a few minutes, smiling like any proud father would. He hugged Rory and kissed her forehead. "I love you, kiddo," he said. "And they're ready for you, whenever you're ready."

Rory took a deep breath. Everyone left to take their places, everyone except her and her father. "My bike's outside, if you feel the need for an escape," he joked.

Rory smiled, knowing that he was completely serious.Lane and Lorelai stood at the top of the porch stairs that led to the Gilmore's back yard. Lorelai was of course the maid of honor, with Lane a close second. They wore powder blue halter dresses and carried small boquets of wildflowers.

Chris and Rory stepped outside, the sunshining beaming through the trees on the bright spring afternoon. The music began and the two began their descent to the chuppah that Luke had made for Lorelai several years earlier. Everything in the yard was beautifully decorated by her and her mother. They had candles and flowers anywhere that candles and flowers would fit. All of their close friends and family were there. Rory beamed as she walked down the aisle. Christopher lifted her veil and kissed her forehead again before replacing her veil.

Up until this point, Rory thought her dream was great. It was now that came the strange, perplexing and alarming turn of events. It was only now that Rory realized that during her whole walk down the aisle, she never once looked at the groom. Each night she found this increasingly strange. Now, as she stood at the alter, a horrified look crossed her face. She smiled briefly as she noted that Logan was standing there smiling at her. He looked handsome in his tux, as he always did. The horrifying part of her dream was that Dean and Jess were at the altar too, dressed in tuxedos, obviously there to be wed. Which one was she there to marry? She never stayed asleep long enough to figure it out.

Her dream never made it past that point. She never knew which one she was destined to marry in her dream. She always woke up, always a little more unsure of her destiny.

Rory was still writing, scribbling frantically, sometimes in full sentences, sometimes in short phrases she only hoped to understand later. She wrote down everything she remembered, not pausing to think about what it meant until after she had finished writing down every detail. After finishing her recount of the dream to her diary, she sat on the bench, lost in thought. She couldn't be sure how long she had been there.

"Rory!" The voice came from behind her. It broke her from her trance and it was only then that she noticed it was getting dark. It was the voice from a life she'd left long ago, a voice that brought up past hurts, past feelings, long-lost sentiments that she thought she had come to terms with long ago. As she closed her eyes she realized that her hope of closure was taking a dark turn.

* * *

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	4. The First Cut is the Deepest

**Chapter 4-The First Cut is the Deepest- By Claire Kennedy**

Note: Once again, this is not a Rory/Dean or a Literati. Also, we do not own Gilmore Girls.

_November, 9th 2004._

_Out of all the things I have on my mind currently, I am surprised that I have any time at all for the distractions that feeling this way brings about. He was my first…my first a lot of things. But it was all wrong. What I had become because of **one** **big** mistake, what he had become…an adulterer divorcee by age 20, and I am not much better. I feel like I ruined that. I ruined what use to be pure._

_If I ever loved him, why did I let him go? I knew before the wedding that feelings were still there. I knew there was more behind the venomous rant about being too young I gave him when he announced the proposal. There was a deafening scream in my brain while we sat looking at home appliances for him and Lindsay. Then there was the day late and dollar short moment of regret as I watched them leave the church._

_Oh, God._

_Why is this all coming out now? Where was the gut wrenching inquiry into what path I was deciding to traverse back then? Why now, with 3 precious hours before my paper is due? _

_As I watched him go that day I knew it was over. It was over and it was time to move on. His soul was sweet and his arms were safe, but I needed something more than that. Some kind of adventure in my life. Someone to spur me on toward my goals. Spending time with Logan_ _has made me realize that there is so much I have hidden from in my life. So, why was it easy to accept the loss that night and not now? Am I feeling this sadness and need for repentance because I am regretting not running after him. Or is this annoying twinge of remorse the product of wanting to make sure that everything and everyone is alright. I don't want to be hated. The last thing I wanted was to hurt people…So, did I make a mistake or do I seriously need to just go to bed…_

In her determination to write a detailed account of her feelings on the dream, she had lost all track of time and all track of her ability to sit like a normal person. She realized first that she was upside down, her legs dangling over the back of the bench and her body was contorted to the side. Her head was resting on the seat at a right angle to her feet. In her realization it looked very uncomfortable, but to her it actually had been an incredibly comfortable position.

Then there was the voice to contend with. The voice that she had deeply wanted to hear at least one more time and the voice she wished would turn out to be a figment of her imagination. But as her eyes shot upward from her journal she was finally greeted by the owner of the voice as he stood above her. Was she mistaken, or was he smiling? Why, after all that they'd been through wasn't he mad?

_Because he's Dean…_

"That looks incredibly comfortable," he said laughing.

"I almost have the whole contortion artist thing down," Rory said. "I'm hoping by the end of the month to be able to actually get one leg behind my head."

"You keep working on that," he beamed, cocking his head to see what she was reading.

Rory quickly shut the journal and sat up straight. She had no idea she could move that fast. Was she turning beet red also? It was beyond awkward. Right there in that moment she felt like running away. The dream and their previous history were starting to take its toll on her nerves.

"Can I sit?" he asked, motioning to the bench.

"Um, sure, last I checked this was a free country." _Wow, that came out cold and wrong._

"Hey, it's alright if you don't want me to. I was just on my way to get some dinner. I thought maybe we could catch up," he said, unaffected by the frosty aura she was giving off.

"No, please sit," Rory said nervously tucking more strands of her hair behind her ear.

Dean took a seat beside her and they sat in complete and utter silence for what seemed like an eternity. _What are we, junior highers!_

"How are things at Yale?" Dean was the first to break the silence.

"Great. How about you and college?" Rory countered quickly.

Dean smiled, "I'm pre-Law."

Rory's mental jaw hit the ground. "Pre-law!" She was laughing and trying not to sound like a complete idiot, but the news was incredible. She had wanted nothing more for him than for him to find himself, and to get a college education. He was really doing it. Getting a degree. _Pre-Law!_ She found herself pulling him into an embrace. "Pre-law!"

"That's what you keep saying," he laughed. "I'm applying to the University of Connecticut School of Law this summer. I need to set up the interviews, and I won't be attending there for a year and a half, but…"

"What?" Rory knew she was grinning like an idiot, but the news was amazing. "I thought you were at school part time? You are actually graduating around the same time as me?"

"Well, I picked up extra credit hours. Did some summer classes and a **ton** of online ones. It is hard to balance over 18 credit hours. You never told me the full time college thing would be such a pain."

"Yeah, well I know what filling your plate looks like. I'm doing a little catch up work myself."

"Catch up work?" Dean looked surprised.

Rory sighed, "I kind of dropped out for a semester. Long story."

"I've got time," Dean said.

_Of course you have time. You always had time…_

Rory smiled at the way his eyes lit up when he was talking to her about her and her life. She was finally past the awkwardness of the whole situation. He looked good. Clean shaven and he had a decent hair cut. He wasn't at all how she had imagined he would look after all this time. He was softer, more at peace, and she was hit with the revelation that he wasn't miserable without her.

_Why should he be? Why do I have to be like this? Wanting him to miss me…_

"You want some dinner?" Dean asked, "I actually have a few dead presidents in my wallet."

"How'd you fit the whole gang in there?" Rory teased.

Dean laughed and stood up. "Dinner?" He nodded toward a restaurant across the street.

Rory paused for a second. She couldn't think fast enough to know if getting dinner would be a good thing or a bad thing.

"It's just dinner," Dean said, obviously reading correctly into her hesitation.

Rory nodded and grabbed her coat and journal off the bench. "So, how are you fitting all the work and school in together?" She asked.

"Don't forget we were about to discuss you and the missing semester," Dean reminded her.

"I wasn't changing the subject," Rory lied.

"Uh huh," Dean ribbed. "Well, I'm actually just home for the weekend. I'm not going to Southern anymore and I don't work around here anymore."

Rory stopped and stared at him. He didn't live there anymore…where had he been? He seemed to pick up on her confusion and stepped in.

"Chicago, I'm going to school there. I got a scholarship, and my internship doubles as both school and work…so…"

Before he could finish, they both were suddenly bombarded by loud shouting from Luke's. They moved closer to get a good listen into whatever was going on. Rory recognized all too late the voice inside and a part of her wanted to grab Dean and run. However, she was connected to that voice. It was the voice she had heard at the table that morning over coffee. It was the reason why she was there doubting everything and a part of her wanted to confront it.

But when she finally realized she wanted nothing to do with that voice at that moment, it was too late. The front door of Luke's slammed open and **_he_** sauntered out into the street, hands dug deep into leather pockets.

_Fate, you bastard…_

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	5. Rory's Old Flames

Chapter 5- Rory's Old Flames-By Nichole Thompson 

November 15, 2005

_I feel like I've once again screwed up my life. How is it that I am sitting in a bedroom in Emily and Richard Gilmore's house and I am honestly calling it my own? Mom and I are still on the outs, and I haven't talked to __Logan in three days. When did my life come to this? When did I become my mother in high school? When did I end up running to the very thing she fled from, the thing she tried her best to shield me from?_

_And then there is Jess. He always shows up at the worst times, always. I was really happy to see him this time though. He wrote a book and he's doing really well. We made plans to meet the next day for dinner, when __Logan showed up early to surprise me._

_Arguments with both of them ensued, and I ended up here, back at the Gilmore mansion, to do nothing but sit and think about what I'm doing._

_He told me I've changed, which really goes without saying. I'm organizing DAR events, partying and drinking with __Logan- where did the old Rory go? And most of all, I miss Mom. My box of things I wanted to talk to her about is now overflowing. Most of the small slips of paper no longer make sense, but I know at one point it would have had special meaning. I open my phone all the time to call her, even if it is to tell her about a commercial I saw on TV. But I always stop short- because she knew. She knew that dropping out of Yale would screw my life up- she knew and I ignored her._

_How could he say all of those things anyway and then just take off? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, taking off is what he's good at. I really had loved him at one point. I even seriously considered leaving with him when he showed up at Yale at the end of last year. But life with Jess was bound to be nomadic, and most likely short-lived._

_God, I miss him though. It was so good to see him, to see how much he's accomplished. It makes me think of what I've done- I stole a yacht and was sentenced to community service hours. I'm living with my grandparents and I'm working with the DAR. Not exactly how I pictured my life- not ever how I pictured my life actually. Jess, how do you always find a way to make me feel terrible about myself?_

"Jess," Rory stared at him, knowing he wasn't a figment of her imagination, but somehow hoping he would be.

"Rory," he looked startled. "Or should I say, Miss Hartford Socialite?"

"No," Rory said, looking down at her shoes, uncomfortable with his tone. "I moved out of my grandparents' house... and I'm back at Yale."

Jess glanced suspiciously at Dean. "Are you two...?"

"No…no, we're not." Rory responded quickly. "Dean and I just ran into each other. We were going to grab some dinner and catch up."

"Does that mean that you're still with that prick?"

"His name is Logan, and he's not a prick. He just… he just doesn't always get along with people right away. I'm living proof of that." Rory said, defending Logan. "What are you doing back in town?" she asked, attempting to change the subject. She didn't want to talk about her relationship with Logan right now.

"Luke called me up last week. He said he found a box of my things that he never sent to me. He asked if I could come get it."

"And you did?" Rory asked, not hiding her surprise.

"It was a bunch of books," he replied, smiling. "I've been wondering where they went."

"Books... that explains a lot." Hoping to lighten the mood, she adds, "Speaking of books, how's the sequel coming?" Rory smiled when she asked, eager to read it. Dean looked confused, wondering what they were talking about.

"Actually..." Jess pulled a book from his back pocket. "I was going to mail it, but I didn't have your address."

Rory reached out for it hungrily. "Thank you so much." She looked at Dean, who still seemed confused. "Jess is a published author. Published two times over, actually."

"Congratulations," Dean said coolly.

"Thanks," Jess replied, matching the cool tone of Dean's voice. They never had gotten along. Rory mostly blamed herself for that. It wasn't that she hadn't wanted them to get along; they just always seemed to be in some secret battle… over her. They could have possibly found peace, if it hadn't been for her and her relationships with both of them. But then again, maybe she was giving herself too much credit; maybe they never would have gotten along anyway.

He glanced at his watch. "Hey Ror, if we're going to grab something to eat, we should get going. I only have an hour and a half left in town. My flight is tonight."

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't realize." Rory turned to Jess. "Are you sticking around for any length of time?"

"I'm crashing at Luke's tonight, and heading out tomorrow afternoon."

"Ok," Rory said, smiling. "I'll stop by later tonight or tomorrow morning."

"See ya," Jess said, before turning the corner and lighting the cigarette he'd been holding in his hand.


	6. Goodbyes and Lip Gloss

Chapter 6: Goodbyes and Lip Gloss-By Claire Kennedy

_And if you have a minute why don't we go  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything  
so why don't we go  
somewhere only we know? –Keane_

Dinner had been a pleasant breath of fresh air. Rory had been surprised by the fluidity with which each conversation topic melted into the next. At first she had doubted if she should even been there. But going on hour three and their second piece of pie, it was like it had always been between them.

It was pure. It was unadulterated. If she could pause one moment in time it would be that moment. He kept flashing her that generous grin of his and his eyes drank up every moment and every word that escaped her lips. The laughter was unburdened and flowed freely from both of them.

His stories! He was a well spring of stories. It was like talking to a complete stranger and an old friend all at once. Chicago had changed him. College had changed him. He was Dean, soul and spirit, but mind and countenance were completely different. He'd shed the small town; shed the insecurity, the codependence. He'd shed his past. And in all of this, Rory found herself feeling left behind.

"So, naturally without map or sense of direction," Dean was finishing up his story about the misadventures that roommates can get into, "We ended up in Arizona, with no money, no gas, and no clue how to get back."

Rory laughed and shook her head, "Arizona? Aren't guys supposed to have the better sense of direction?"

"Yeah," Dean rolled his eyes and shoved another piece of pie in his mouth. "Something about extra iron in the nose…I really don't know what relevance that has. It obviously wasn't working in our favor."

They had covered so much ground in that amount of time. Dean's upcoming LSATs, Rory's break and return to school, the yacht (Dean just cringed and nodded during that story), Dean's new apartment near Michigan Ave. (and when he said near he meant he could walk there in a little over an hour). And had he mentioned a book she had never read? He had, and he had definitely pulled it out of his jacket pocket and handed it to her. It had been going so well, and when Rory saw him look at his watch her heart returned to its previous torment. He couldn't leave…she still didn't have any answers to any questions. It still felt unfinished…it felt empty.

"Well, Christiane Amanpour, when in the Middle East, will you send me a post card?" Dean asked. He was standing and grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair.

_Don't go!_

"You have to go?" She said. "Of course you do. What time was that flight again? Like 9:00?"

"Yeah," Dean said. "Hey, we should definitely not speak for a year and do this again sometime."

She knew it was a joke, but it hurt. "Let's not let a year go by."

"Okay," Dean nodded. He handed her a slip of paper. "My address and phone number in Chicago. Great bookstores. The Cheesecake Factory. A Starbucks on literally every corner…"

"You don't have to bait me. I will definitely drop in sometime. That Starbucks thing sounds amazing and annoying all at once."

"It's confusing sometimes. You forget what street your on when you pass the eight billionth one."

Rory smiled and tried to quickly think of what to say, what to do. Dean decided for her as he smiled awkwardly and headed out.

"See you," he said as he opened the diner door.

"See you," Rory returned.

_Empty…utterly empty. _

And then it hit her like a cheap blow to the gut. That wasn't how she wanted him to walk away. _See you…_

Luke had been behind the counter watching the whole ordeal. He hadn't in anyway approved of the dinner. But the way Rory had beamed. Her smile had exuded a life he'd missed seeing on her face. It was hard to read girls. Especially Rory and her mom. But if there was one thing he had taken from his recent encounters with Rory, it was that she was wearing a mask of happiness that was poorly concealing the un-pinpointable sadness underneath.

"So he's gone off to Chicago?" Luke asked. Trying so hard to be supportive.

Rory turned around in her chair and nodded. She was staring off into the distance, biting her lip. "Can I borrow your truck?"

Luke immediately saw Lorelai there asking him the same question. His reflex was to say "no," but this was Rory. Rory wouldn't stick a stupid mattress in the back of his truck, or grind the gears, or keep the truck for any length of unnecessary time. Hell, who was he kidding? Even if Lorelai was sitting there, he'd throw her the keys.

"Sure," he tossed her the keys. "Mind if I ask what for?"

"I need to do something. I'm sorry. I'll have it back in like two hours. Tell Jess, if he shows up, that I'll be back."

"You know it's stick shift?" he called after her.

"Logan taught me," Rory called back as she raced through the door.

* * *

_so let go, jump in_  
_oh well, whatcha waiting for_  
_it's alright_  
_'cause there's beauty in the breakdown_  
_so let go, just get in_  
_oh, it's so amazing here_  
_it's alright_  
_'cause there's beauty in the breakdown-Frou Frou_

The airport wasn't very crowded that evening, and she found him right away. He was sitting at his gate, reading a book and finishing some coffee. When he looked up he saw her just standing there looking at him, and was immediately confused. He motioned for her to come over.

She looked embarrassed and timid. She sat down carefully beside him and stared straight ahead.

"Ror?" Dean tried to get her attention. "Hey, you okay?"

He touched her arm and she fell apart.

"What is wrong with me?" she cried. The tears were flowing in torrents down her porcelain cheeks.

"There's nothing wrong with you?" Dean said, trying so hard to understand her pain. "Well, apparently you have mastered the art of sneaking past security, which is a bit shady. Oh and the whole contortion artist thing in the square earlier. But other than that, you seem…seemed perfectly fine to me." He turned her around to look at him.

Her eyes were blood shot, but the crystalline blue of her eyes always seemed to get bluer when she cried. It hurt him to look at those eyes.

"Why did you come here?" he asked.

"I needed to see you. I needed more than just a 'see you,'"

"What did you want, Rory?" Dean asked.

"Why were you in Stars Hallow? If you've moved away? If you have this great life somewhere else!" Rory poured out.

"Whoa, where is all this coming from?" Dean asked. He grabbed a packet of tissues from his backpack and handed them to her. He wiped a single tear from her cheek with his hand and sighed. "Please, just talk to me Rory."

"Why were you there?"

"My parents live there. And…"

"And?" Rory begged him to continue.

"I had to set things right. I was there to see…" Dean shook his head and leaned back in the uncomfortable air port seats. "I was there to see Lindsey."

_Could the dagger go any deeper? Oh yes it could…_

"Are you two…?"

"No! She probably wanted to kill me for even showing up…but I had to set things right. I had to get her forgiveness."

"And did you?" Rory asked.

Dean exhaled loudly and nodded. "She's forgiven me. I can tell she is still deeply hurt and I am the ass that did that to her…but, she has forgiven me."

"And have you forgiven yourself?" she asked.

Dean shook his head, "That takes time…Ror, what are you doing here?"

"I don't know!" she cried. "I don't know about us…"

"Us?" Dean couldn't have looked more scared in his life. "Rory. Oh god, I don't think…wow, us…"

He was shaking his head now, like he was in great pain.

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have even come…" Rory stood up, but her wrist was encircled by his soft hands.

"This isn't about us Rory," Dean said "It can never be about us. You know that, right? You're in love with Logan, right? What are you doing here?"

Rory couldn't stop herself. She was in his arms, crying, soaking his shirt with her tears. "I'm sorry. I know this is cruel. I never wanted to hurt you? I don't want you to just disappear?"

Dean was at a loss. He stroked her hair and continued to comfort her. "Rory, I will always be here for you. But we can't keep doing this."

Rory sat up and stared at him. He was right. Was she flipping out of her mind? But he had his life in order, he was doing great, why did she have to feel like this now? Wasn't that what fate wanted her to see? Wasn't that why they had been at the same place at the same time? No. That wasn't it at all. It had to do with Dean but she was misplacing emotions…trying so hard to find something that was missing.

"What is this really about?" Dean asked. Realizing she was no where near resolved.

"Am I…" She choked on the words, "Am I me?"

"Are you Rory Gilmore?" Dean asked. "I hope so. Or else this whole evening just got a lot weirder."

Rory sputtered a laugh through her tears, "Am I me?" It was all she could think of.

"Are you Rory, the girl who gets lost in thousand page books by Russian authors? Are you Rory, the girl who once single handedly ate a whole Oreo cheesecake in one sitting?"

Rory laughed and that, wiping at her eyes. Dean laughed as well, but then continued on a more serious note.

"Are you Rory, the girl with an amazing vision? Are you Rory, the future Christiane Amanpour? Are you Rory, the girl who can take on the whole damn world? Yeah! I think so. And I think you are going to set this world on fire."

Rory stopped and just stared at him. It was all she could do. His words…perfect comfort…

_I am still me…_

"If you are worried about the past," Dean continued. "About what we did. About the yacht and dropping out…Don't be." Dean smiled. The smile that could go right through her. "We make mistakes and we learn from them. I'm not justifying what we did...we made a mistakes and have to live with the consequences…It's just we have to learn and then make ourselves better people. "

"No looking back?" Rory asked, amazed and awestruck by his maturity.

"Only forward." Dean whispered. He then wiped another tear from her eyes.

"Attention, Flight 497 will be boarding now. Would first class please make their way to the front and rows 45-50 be in waiting," a voice boomed over the speakers.

"I've got to go…but I can't leave you like this," Dean said, his eyes laced with concern.

"I'm fine," she said, smiling weakly. "Thank you, Dean. For…everything." She whispered the last word as it was hard to move past her lips. She was finally receiving closure from this chapter of her life.

Dean sat up and tossed his bag over his shoulder. Rory tried to give him back his Kleenex, but he shook his head.

"You keep them," he said. He then leaned over her and kissed her forehead. "Be happy, Rory Gilmore."

He then turned and walked away.

_I knew when he walked away it was over..._

"Be happy, Dean Forester."

* * *

Why is a woman's heart so undecided? Rory stood outside the airport, soaking in the fresh evening air and wondering that very question to herself. Her cheeks were hot with the slight embarrassment of getting lost in a stupid dream…for letting her unresolved heart run away with her. What was she doing there? She had found a part of herself that had been missing. Dean had given that back to her. But what if their paths had never crossed? What if she had never gone home? She couldn't keep this up, letting Jess' words play with her. She couldn't keep taking a senseless dream to heart.

She smiled as she remembered the way Dean had talked to her. It was going to be alright between them. She could tell. No more awkwardness, and that left her feeling lighter. Less burdened.

She had a seat on a bench and looked at her cell phone. There were several missed calls and she knew they were from him. Logan. Was she hiding from him? Why? Was it because she was associating him with the shame she had felt that night while being told she was not herself? He didn't deserve that.

Rory listened to the first message. He was saying that he was just wondering where she was, that he was ready to talk to her about London and how about dinner at Pier's, and her heart broke as she looked at her watch and knew she would definitely not be making that meeting. Then the second message came and he sounded more worried, asking if she was angry with him for something, apologizing profusely. Then the third and fourth messages were more frantic, pleading for a phone call. The last message took her by surprise when he was surprisingly calm.

"Look, I think I might have screwed up, or maybe not, maybe you just have your phone turned off, in which case I probably look like a stalker right now." She could hear him sigh and continue. "I've been thinking though, Ace, about London. You were right. We do need to talk about it, and I apologize for dancing around it for so long. I want to talk to you…if that is alright."

There was a pause, but Rory knew he was still there, thinking about what to say. She was surprised when she heard him laugh softly like he had just remembered a joke.

"Hey, Ace, remember Honor's party…"

* * *

Rory stood in front of the mirror scrutinizing her reflection with the wrinkling of her nose. Logan sat at the end of the bed watching her with great curiosity as she continued to make faces at herself.

"Ace? What are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm missing something…" she said absently, sticking her tongue out at herself and turning around to face him. The skirt of her red dress danced delicately about her as she moved.

Logan looked her up and down and shook his head. "You look perfect. Come on. We're the only ones still getting ready. If we don't make an appearance downstairs in like five minutes, you will have half the Huntsberger clan up here wondering if we've skipped town."

Rory nodded. "And that would not be good, huh?"

They were sitting in Honor's room, where they had prepared for her birthday party away from the chaos of the arrangements downstairs. It had been a last minute sort of thing, an 'oh by the way, my parents are throwing a party for my sister tonight' kind of thing. Logan wasn't one for making many plans in advance and he had insisted that they didn't have to go, but Rory had wanted to be there for Honor. The result was her flying out of her last class into a limo without much time for a stop by the apartment. The consequences of those results were her grabbing the first thing in the closet and whatever makeup she could shove into a bag in under 30 seconds. She felt ridiculous and sort of out of place now that she was half prepared.

"Lip gloss," she bellowed as she dug through her make-up bag. "I forgot…"

"You don't need lip gloss," Logan responded falling back on the bed and groaning.

Rory pouted, "But…"

Logan put forth just enough energy to point to the bathroom. "Honor probably has some."

"You don't think she will mind?" Rory asked, already in the bathroom and looking through drawers.

"Yeah, she'll hold it against you for all eternity…"

"Oh, well if that's all, I'll just have to help myself," she said.

Logan mindlessly started to tie his tie as he lay there on the bed. He really didn't want to be there to begin with. He didn't want to be anywhere near his father. Especially since the call he had received that morning had been a lecture masked in a party invitation. However, when he had seen the look on Rory's face, her eagerness to show up, he decided that maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Also, he had nothing against his sister. There was no reason to shut her out to send a message to his father. He would just have to make sure to skillfully avoid his father all evening.

"Ah!" Rory suddenly exclaimed from the bathroom. She sounded like she was in pain

Logan sat up and watched her as she danced out into the bedroom fanning her lips. "Burning!"

"What?" Logan asked, coming to her aid. He had no idea how to help her though.

"My lips are on fire!" She said, jumping around.

Logan ran to the bathroom and grabbed up the tube of lip gloss she had been using. "Plump?" He read on the side out loud, and then started to laugh uncontrollably. "Ace! This is her lip enhancing gloss. Some asinine method for women to make their lips larger."

He came out to see her response, but she didn't look like she was sharing in his amusement. She was wiping away at her lips and trying to remove the gloss.

"They use something that creates a bee-sting affect, don't they?" she asked, he eyes watering. "What woman in her right mind…What? This isn't funny!"

Logan couldn't help himself but laugh. She was a sight, fanning her lips and jumping up and down. Her eyes were tearing badly though, and her lips...well, they were starting to swell.

"How much did you use?" Logan asked helping her to the bed.

"It was clear…I had no idea it would do this," she whined as she laid down.

Logan laid on the bed next to her and tried to calm her with a reassuring hand rubbing her arm.

"I'm sorry," he smiled. "I shouldn't have laughed."

"They still burn," she laughed and cried at the same time. "I'm such a baby."

Logan started to blow softly on her lips.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I have no idea," he laughed. "You said they were on fire. Guess I was just trying to cool them off."

"Like you would soup?" She laughed.

"Hey, its all I've got right now," he smiled, brushing away tears.

"Now I look like a big mess," she groaned. "My eyes are probably all puffy and my lips feel like balloons."

"You look cute, Ace," Logan said genuinely, but he added a chuckle at the way she pouted with oversized lips.

"You'll still be seen with me in public, Logan? You'll still like me with when these monstrosities on my face fail to deflate?"

_I'll still love you even if those lips fall off your face, Ace._

Logan was never one to say "I love you." He knew she had said once that she loved him and since he had failed to say it back, even though she told him she didn't want him to, she had been careful in selecting her words. _Will you still _**like _me…? _**He wanted to tell her then, to say that he loved her because of moments like this. Because despite all the chaos in their lives they could just be themselves around each other. He wanted to, but…

"Yeah, just keep like five feet behind me, okay?" he joked.

She grabbed a pillow and hit him with it. "Now I'm going to go down there and hold your hand and make kissing faces at you the whole time."

"Shouldn't be too hard with your new lips," he poked before receiving a face full of pillow.

He kissed her when she went to grab another pillow, and then helped her up. "Of course I'll still…"

He paused, a funny expression creeping up on his face. "Holy …" He started to wipe at his lips and Rory started to laugh when she realized what was going on.

"I still had some on?"

He tried not to show that it was getting to him, but he was not very successful.

"Um…yeeeah."

* * *

"That night was…um…interesting," Logan continued his message, and Rory listened intently from her cell phone. "There was a point to this, I promise. I know I'm just rambling here, but that night…I wanted to say something. I've wanted to say something for so long. I guess I'm a coward. Look. If you find some time, I'll be here. Maybe we can talk…I leave it up to you. Take care, Rory."

Rory closed her cell phone and looked around at the cars passing by. She would call him. Just not now. Not until she faced one last issue. One last piece of her personal puzzle.

* * *

A/N: I just had to make Dean human again. He was just so pathetic towards the end and in the earlier seasons he was just a weak complement to Rory's character. I wanted him to be able to bow out gracefully. Please, this is me begging now, please review. 


	7. Your James Dean Crap

Chapter 7: Your James Dean Crap-By Claire Kennedy

_Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it is better to leave them broken than to hurt yourself putting them back together. - Anonymous _

He sat at the counter, hunched over his thick paperback novel. He didn't even look up when the bell over the door rang.

"Did you get prince charming?" He asked flatly, still engrossed in the novel.

Rory took off her coat and walked slowly over to him. "We've grown…unfortunately it was apart. But he's happy. I'm happy"

"Well, ain't that a Disney ending?" Jess snapped his usual moody tone.

"What is your problem?" Rory asked, feeling the same rage rise up in her that only his callous could cause.

"Nothing," Jess breathed in frustration and slammed down his novel. "That guy just hits a nerve"

"Well, he is gone…so you can stop treating him like crap through me"

Jess looked at her apologetically and was about to voice his forgiveness plea when Rory's cell phone rang. She shot Jess a glare before flipping open her phone.

"Hello? Ace?" The voice on the other end was filled with worry. "Where are you? No note, no explanation"

"I'm fine, Logan. I'll be back Sunday night," Rory said trying to keep calm. She wasn't mad at Logan, just at Jess who had mouthed "unbelievable" at the mention of Logan's name. He was now collecting his jacket and novel and heading for the door.

"Logan, can I call you back?" Rory asked quickly. She didn't even wait for his answer as she slammed the flip phone in on itself and grabbed her coat.

"Where are you going?" she asked, chasing him out onto the street.

"For some air," Jess answered her.

"Wait, I need to talk to you," Rory pleaded.

"What for?" Jess asked. He was angry and she didn't really blame him.

Last time she had seen him he had to deal with Logan being a complete jerk. He also had acted so calm about their previous encounter. In her dorm he had spewed off his love and had asked her to run away with him. While incredibly romantic it had been irresponsible and the timing had been horrible. He was now standing in front of her with a mixed look of complete anguish and anger. She was still with Logan (the prick, she believed was the term Jess had used), and he had seen her earlier with Dean. Now she had asked him to talk and wait up for her and for what? Two minutes together and they were already at each other.

"Jess, please…" Rory said wringing the edges of her coat, trying to think of what could possibly make him want to stay and talk.

Jess shook his head and rolled his eyes, "Unbelievable."

He then took her arm and started to lead her down the street. They walked a few blocks, Jess half dragging her, before Rory realized where they were going. They came to the bridge…the same bridge that they had started their relationship on. Jess let go of her arm and sat down, dangling his feet over the edge. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"I thought you gave up smoking," she said coming to sit beside him.

"I thought you had something to say," Jess countered.

Rory sighed and looked down at the moon and stars reflected in the water. "It's about what you said to me…back in November."

Jess nodded. "That was some sage advice. Glad you took at least some of it to heart"

"I took all of it to heart…and it won't go away. That's why I'm here," Rory said unreservedly.

Jess huffed a sarcastic laugh and smiled at her. "Aww, and here all this time I thought you wanted me back in your life"

_ Some part of me does…but…_

She was completely oblivious to the fact that he had been serious at that moment. He was just masking it all with that wit that poured so naturally form him. She was completely oblivious that sitting there right next to him was one of the most thrilling and painful things that he had ever experienced. She was completely oblivious…

Rory sighed, "I'm being serious here"

Jess shook his head and threw his cig into the water. "Fine, spill it"

"I think a part of me wants your approval. I don't know…I need to know that you don't look down on me"

"What?" Jess couldn't help but laugh at that. "Look down on you? Honestly, I admire your tenacity. No one can cling so closely to vision like you can. So what if you lost track of yourself for a minute? We all do that. I think its great you are back at Yale. The prick..."

"Logan," Rory corrected.

"Logan," Jess said his name through gritted teeth. "Is the luckiest S.O.B"

"He was having a bad night," Rory defended him. "If you maybe had dinner with us again sometime"

"Rory, you couldn't pay me enough…" Jess spat.

"He's a good guy," Rory came to his defense again.

"Then why aren't you there with him," Jess asked. "You really came all the way to Stars Hallow just to catch up with old Dean boy and me"

"I came back because I needed a break, "Rory told him.

"From Logan?" Jess asked, frustrated and not doing much to hide it. "We're people Rory. We're not cars. You can't trade one in when you get tired or bored"

"Oh, like you can even talk to me about using people! Which I'm not by the way!" Rory fumed. She stood up, her eyes filled with fire.

"Look, I am trying to understand you," Jess flared, standing up as well. "You're in and out of my life like a damn bad penny"

"If you hate me so much then just leave! I've had enough of your James Dean crap! You think you are so above everyone, Jess!"

Jess' face fell and he held his tongue. "No, I don't. Look, can we start over?"

Rory thought she had cried all that she could that night, but here she was again tearing up. "Sure," she said biting her lip. "Jess I came here because I can't stop thinking about what you said. I can't help think that where I am isn't at all who I am. I want that to go away. Take back what you said"

Jess shrugged. "If that is all you wanted…then I take it back"

"Thank you," she said.

"Was that all?" he asked.

_ No…actually I have been dreaming about you. Wondering if I should have run away with you that day. But now…after seeing us fight like this…I…can't...be with you…_

"Yeah," she answered, nodding and trying to avoid eye contact.

"Alright then," Jess said, "Glad to be of service"

They stood there in silence.

_I did love you once…_

"Hey, I need to get going early tomorrow," Jess said stuffing his hands back in his pockets and looking back toward town. "I'm sorry I snapped at you like I did"

"I didn't mean to cause it," Rory answered, still chewing on her bottom lip.

Jess couldn't take just standing there near her anymore. He wanted too much to just hug her. He wanted to take back every cruel thing that had erupted from him that evening.

"I'll just see you around then," Jess said moving away from her.

"I'll tell you how I liked the sequel," Rory said, managing a smile.

"I wrote my address on the inside cover," Jess told her. He then realized he was overstaying his welcome "Take care of yourself, Rory"

Her smile was all he received in return. It was all he felt he deserved. She watched him walk away and found her heart healing as she fingered his book in her jacket pocket.

* * *

It had started to rain. Torrents of water were deluging the streets of Stars Hallow and Rory was trying to make her way back home. She passed the square and stopped just short of her house when she saw him standing in the rain. His blond strands were plastered to his soaking forehead and he was drenched head to foot. He was smiling and his smile seemed to break through the darkness around them.

"Hey, Ace."


	8. I Need To Talk

Chapter 8- I Want To Talk To You... About The Future –By Nicole Thompson

_Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized, but in the end, always found with no regrets, forever valued and kept treasured.  
-Anonymous_

"Logan? What are you…?"

"I missed you, Ace, and I was worried about you. I know I haven't really been there for you lately, and I'm so sorry for that."

"Logan, you don't need to apolo…"

"Ace, listen, please; just hear me out." She nodded, and walked over closer to him; she leaned against his car and swathed herself in her arms, hoping for some warmth. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. Since Dad came to Martha's Vineyard and hauled me to that meeting, I've been doing a lot of thinking."

She looked up to meet his eyes, hoping that since she had figured out her own feelings, he wasn't doubting his. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, feeling a bit awkward talking as they were standing out in the rain.

"I am also sorry that I haven't been very willing to talk about it, or about the future. I just want you to know that I am concerned about you. Taking off like that; not leaving a note, or telling me where you were going- that isn't you. Is everything alright?"

"Let's go sit down," she said, smiling softly. She took his hand and interlaced their drenched fingers. She could feel the water still trickling down her face and clothes as they found cover under the porch roof; they sat down on the wicker love seat. She sat sideways, with her back against the arm, so that she could look at him as she spoke.

"Logan, I've been having a tough time sleeping lately. It takes me hours to fall asleep and then I have this ridiculous recurring dream. It is the same dream, every night. And every time I wake up after it, I can't get back to sleep. After three weeks of being exhausted and burned out, I didn't know what else to do. Also, something that Jess said to me has really been bothering me. I thought maybe some time back home would improve the situation some."

"Did it?" he asked shortly.

She could see the concern in his eyes. He hadn't realized her restlessness had been so deep-rooted. He also had no idea that Jess had meant that much to her. He never expected anything that the writer said to stay with her for so long. He found himself a bit enraged that she was still upset over something that Jess had said; especially because he knew Jess didn't approve of their relationship. He pushed the feelings back, knowing that what he really needed to do was to support her and hear her out.

"What I realized is that no matter what happens, living in the past is never worth giving up the present, or the future. It took a lot of thinking, and two very uncomfortable run-ins, but I can honestly say, that I don't think I'll be having that dream anymore."

"Two uncomfortable run-ins, huh?"

She looked at him; knowing that she couldn't leave it at that. He no doubt wanted to know who they were with, and what was said. That was one thing she always had to give Logan credit for; no matter what, he was always interested in everything she said.

"Yeah; you see, I was in the gazebo this afternoon, writing in my journal, and Dean came up to me."

"He was the first boyfriend?" he questioned, tensing up. Logan hated thinking about her being around her exes, mostly because he knew that both of them were recurring themes in her past.

"Yes. But that doesn't really have anything to do with it. I mean, it does, but at the same time… well, let me just explain. So, Dean came up to me, and we caught each other up on our lives over dinner. He left for the airport, but I couldn't get the nagging voice out of my head."

A quizzical expression crossed Logan's face.

"When Jess came to Hartford," she explained. "He said that I wasn't the same person I used to be. He said that I had changed, and I guess he was right." She paused.

Should I really be telling him all of this? Two ex-boyfriends in one day usually isn't the type of thing your boyfriend wants to know about. He will understand though, or at least I hope he will; besides, he needs to know.

"I think because of the fact that Dean has known me for so long, I kind of just needed his reassurance, you know? I needed to know that he didn't think I had abandoned who I once was. Needless to say, I followed him to the airport and I kind of broke down. He really brought everything back into perspective for me. He told me not to worry about the past, because we all make mistakes."

She could tell he was somewhat hurt. She knew that he didn't like her being comforted by other guys, especially when the other guy was someone she'd been intimate with. She also knew that she couldn't continue to build a future with him and keep this from him.

_Come on Rory… yes, there is a look in his eye…a look that is a cross between hurt and utter disdain… but he needs to know._

"Dean got on the plane and I drove back to town and had run-in number two… with Jess."

She sighed deeply before proceeding. "He began the conversation by making a rude comment about you and a rather painful argument ensued. Leave it to Jess to find something to argue about every time we talk. Anyway, we hashed it out, and in the end, I think I really discovered what I'm sure I knew all along. The fact that I've changed is not what was bothering me. What was bothering me was that I felt like I had something to prove to him. After Jess left, he did something with his life; I mean, he wrote a book. Not many 23 year olds have that on their resume. After his lecture outside the pub, I think I was just afraid I wouldn't ever accomplish anything that can be compared to being a published author."

He couldn't take it anymore; did she even know what she was saying?

"Ace listen," he began. "Just because he wrote a book doesn't mean you owe him anything. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. You may not have written a book, but look at you. You are at the top of your class at one of the most challenging schools in the country. You're the editor of the Yale Daily News. You're one of the best damn journalists I know; maybe the best. You are more dedicated to school than anyone I've met."

He paused, regaining control of his thoughts. "Not to mention that you're completely dedicated to your family and friends. You think of everyone before yourself and you put up with my shit constantly. I don't know anyone that can measure up to you."

He looked her square in the eyes, making sure she fully grasped how much he thought of her. He saw her eyes fill with tears and pulled her over to his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

"Logan, I'm so sorry for not calling…"

He laughed. _What a response, Ace._ "No need for apologies now," he said quietly.

He put his hand under her chin and lifted her face toward his. He gently brushed away the stray tears that were still running down her cheek.

"I love you; you know that right?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

She smiled, looking at him through eyes that were still leaking out tears. "I love you too, Logan."

"Rory," he began. Her eyes met his as he said her name. He usually only did when he really wanted to be clear on what he was saying. "I want talk to you… about the future."

He felt her tense considerably. Here it is, she thought. A weight came out of no where and dropped into her stomach, making her feel sick.

"Rory- I can't tell you how much you mean to me. From the first time I met you, I knew that you were different; that you were special. There is this crazy feeling I get, whenever you look at me. In the time that I've known you, you've made me want to be a better person, want to be different."

"When you told me that you wanted to stop seeing me, that you couldn't do the no strings thing, I thought I was going to be sick. I couldn't stand to be without you, and I'm so glad you opened my eyes." He leaned in and brushed his lips over hers.

"The love I feel for you makes me believe all of the sappy romantic things that men do in chick flicks, and in the great romantic novels." He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. This is it, he thought to himself. The moment of truth.

"I know that things won't be easy, and I know that especially with everything going on with my father, there will be complications. But I can't stand to go on, knowing that there is a possibility that you won't be mine forever."

Instinctively his hand reached down into his pocket as he watched her eyes fill with emotion. He moved from the bench and knelt down beside her, a small black velvet box now sitting comfortably in his hand.

"Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, I love you. I love you with all of my heart. Will you marry me?"

He opened the box; she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss before even looking at the ring. She released him and he gently pulled the ring out of the box. All of her fear had faded, all of the horrible emotions she'd been feeling all day had melted away at his words. She was happy; truly happy.

"Yes, Logan Huntzberger." He slipped the ring onto her finger and kissed her again. She pulled back and sighed, "I will marry you."

-The End-


	9. Epilogue

Epilogue-By Claire Kennedy

_I did it all for her. As much as I would like to deny that fact…as much as I would like to just think that I did this for my own betterment… I know deep down that it was for her. After she came to me that night, I realized that in that moment I could have had her. I could have completed the equation. Life in order. Check. College. Check. Money to offer her. Well, kind of a check there…after my loans are paid…so, obligatory check. And then I had an epiphany, staring at her and wanting so bad just to give into those eyes again, I suddenly knew it wasn't right. It didn't feel right. "It can never be about us," I believe were the words that escaped me and I am still stunned that I could even voice some self respect in her presence. What a fool I have been… _

Dean dropped his backpack in the entryway of his apartment and moved into the dungy inner sanctum of the residence. His roommate was chowing down a piece of old pizza and watching a cheesy low budget horror film on the sci-fi channel. Dean leaned over the couch to watch the horrible acting and disgraceful special effects.

"Want some?" his roommate offered up an overly re-heated piece of pie.

"Uh, I'll pass," Dean laughed and headed for the kitchen.

"I put your mail on your desk?" His roomie added.

Dean headed through the small kitchen, glared at the stack of dirty dishes, and opened the puce green fridge. Wrinkling his nose at the fact he would have to eat two week old Chinese food or actually stomach something his mom had dropped by a few weekends ago, he decided on neither and went for an almost, but not quite mealy apple on the counter.

The first thing he noticed was the rather profligate and overly extravagant off white envelope on his desk. It was embossed with silver cursive and all manner of floral designs. He picked it up and stared at it like it was some kind of alien creature. The name in the return address also caught him off guard.

"Gilmore," he sighed. Now it was all making sense. The embossment, the fancy envelope, and the first contact he had with a Gilmore in ages. Should he even open it? He already knew what was inside.

He sunk down onto his tattered orange arm chair and ran his fingers over the engravings. He had remembered these envelopes. The kind you spend hours arguing with your future spouse over rather engraving cutesy cupid butts and hearts into the envelope was worth the cost of your first down payment on a home. But who the hell cared. It was your wedding. It only comes once…well into today's society…  
And Rory…was it really Logan she was tying the knot with? Well if it was, she could definitely afford all the embossment and engravings she wanted.

He tore it open and read the lacey, pearl encrusted parchment that fell out. Something about Rory and Logan. Something about June. Something about their lives would be 'oh so perfect' if he would jot down their humble affair on an ink blotter or calendar.

He replaced the letter and stared at the clock above his bed. 10:00pm already? He still had to write that paper. Night classes were definitely inventions of the devil. He was about to get up when his roommate's Jack Russell terrier, incongruously named Jack, leapt up into his lap. The dog stared at him anticipating to be petted. The poor creature was an attention whore. Dean laughed and petted its head.

"I'm pretty pathetic, Jack," Dean said. "Do you think it is time for me to move on?"

Jack barked and wagged his tail. "Yeah, I'll get right on that. Maybe bring some girls back to the apartment. A nice poodle for you."

Jack tilted his head, cocking an ear. He was staring at the invitation.

"Here," Dean said handing the envelope out to the curious quadruped. "Chew on it. Bury it, I don't care."

Jack sniffed it and sneezed. Then wagging his tail he grabbed the invitation and ran off. Dean sighed and grabbed a Criminalistics book and the apple and fell down onto his bed.

_Yeah…time to move on. Time to find out who I am. It's just…time…_

_

* * *

_

"Mariano!" Jess looked up from his book and stared up into the metal catwalks above. His boss was looking over the railing with an incredulous look on his face.

"What do I pay you for?" He asked, not really asking the question. "It's a book bindery, Floyd!" Jess shot up. "I sit here, I pull that lever over there, it takes absolutely no brain cells."

"Just get to work," he ordered, mumbling a 'smart ass' as he walked away. Jess shoved his book in the back of his pants and got up from the stacks he had been 'lounging' on. He stood beside the lever and waited. Nothing was coming down the assembly line, but of course, that didn't matter to old Floyd. He considered going back to the stacks of paper to read again, but then decided against it. Floyd had after all, allowed him to publish his first book and its sequel. If the man wanted him to stand next to a lever and stare at it all day, then it was fine by him. This wasn't going to be his life forever.

Already he had some positive feedback on 'The Subsect.' He was going to be doing a few readings at some local bookstores, and he had even received some calls from some large scale publishers and distributors. This wouldn't be his life forever.

"Jess," came the familiar voice of his fellow apartment dweller, John.

"Yeah," Jess said, turning to greet him.

"Why aren't you reading?" John asked.

"Cause Floyd said to work," Jess shrugged. "And as you can see, if I don't stand here, the fate of the whole factory could be in utter ruin."

"Floyd is just messing with you. He actually just sent me back to tell you that we are done for the day. No new clients."

Jess shook his head. He would kill Floyd…after he got something to eat.

"Oh, I picked up some of your mail with mine," John apologized, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a small stack of envelopes.  
Jess picked through them, nothing but bills, credit card offers, and…what was this?

Jess held up the envelope and furrowed his brow as he looked over the name on the return address. "Gilmore," he breathed, exhaling the name with uncertainty. His last meeting with her had been less than favorable. He had wanted to say so much to her, and then it came out in all the wrong ways. He was never very good at expressing what he felt. That was why he made a good writer. Pen and paper don't care what you rant about. He knew what the envelope would hold. Some crap about holy matrimony and witnessing vows and would you like chicken or beef? Beef actually sounded good to him right now.

"Wanna go to Leo's, grab a burger?" Jess asked. John nodded and they continued to walk out of the building. Jess took the letter out of the envelope. The invitation looked like a damn bakery good perched on a doily. He folded the envelope with her name and address up and put it into his jacket pocket, and as they walked past the shredders, he tossed in the invitation.

_Yeah…time to move on. Time to find out who I am. It's just…time…_


End file.
